Sophomores Deny Accusations of Trapping Freshmen in Escape Room

“It was trauma like no other,” freshman Fray DeCat said. “I’ve never feared more for my life, except for when I got my SAT scores back.” DeCat was referring to the latest scandal rocking the halls of Stuy: the Sophomore Caucus-sanctioned escape room that led to the imprisonment of 10 innocent, starry-eyed freshmen.

The escape room in question, made to resemble a haunted house, featured events like math teacher Aziz Jumash handing back a failed test, Assistant Principal of Security Brian Moran randomly appearing in corners, taking your phone even if you didn’t have it out, and your old Wattpad fanfictions being displayed to really scare the living daylights out of you. If you managed to connect the clues, you were allowed to escape. If you were unable to solve the puzzle, a big red button that read “I AM A COWARD” could be pressed, opening the back door and allowing you to leave in shame. Group after group went into the room, eventually emerging in, more or less, one piece.

One particular group of freshmen went in, expecting the room to be easy. DeCat recalled her first reaction upon entering: “At first, I mean, it didn’t look like much. I couldn’t see much, anyway. Just like, a kind of room, I guess. Less of an escape room and more of a high school classroom with papier-mâché everywhere,” she said. Suddenly, the dim lights went out, leaving them in complete darkness. This was the only room in which the lights had gone out, and the sophomore supervisors were nowhere to be seen. One witness came forward saying that they saw the sophomore on duty at Ferry’s when the power went out. Another anonymous witness claimed to be the one who turned off the lights. No matter the cause, the power was out and the freshmen were left alone and scared.

Witnesses passing by heard cries of “Help us!” and “We are terrified!” but assumed it was just another meeting of the speech and debate team and did not seek help. Teachers passing by assumed it was other faculty members.

After about two hours of being locked in and alone, with their phones confiscated by the all-seeing Moran and minds properly terrified by the lack of power, they were rescued by none other than P.E. teacher Marvin Autry himself, who, busting down the doors with his iconic #BestClassEver backwards dab, freed them from their underclassmen terror and caused them to faint out of pure joy. They soon recovered and collectively agreed that this was most likely just a dumb prank.

The Sophomore Caucus denied any responsibility in this debacle whatsoever, with a representative claiming, “We have no idea what you’re talking about. This sounds like a gas-induced fever dream written down by a delirious Stuyvesant student. I mean, the plot holes here. Really!” Nonetheless, the truth will emerge. There most definitely was an escape room event in which freshmen were held captive. For sure.