Stuylin: A Guide

With the recent passage of Valentine’s Day, there is no doubt the vast majority of you are all single despite taking part in Principal Eric Contreras’s Sweetheart Initiative (This is a shameless plug. Take a peek at issue nine!). One of the primary reasons people get rejected is that they’re… beauty deficient; while we can’t alleviate that affliction, we can make sure you dress to impress. Here are some of the hottest new fashion trends to keep the attention on your fit rather than your face!

Option 1: The Gym Uniform

Have college apps added a few gray hairs to your head? Did final exams highlight your wrinkles? An easy way to replenish your youth is by wearing the classic Stuyvesant gym uniform. A ubiquitous classic, the pairing of a beautiful heather gray T-shirt and navy blue shorts will have you causing an unforgettable stench in the hallways. Though these sets are available exclusively through the pop-up in the first-floor administrative office, they are quite affordable and extremely versatile. The shirt can be worn tucked-in for a chic, sporty look, or you can wear the shorts oversized for a high fashion runway look.

Option 2: Club Gear

The best way to flaunt your hobbies and heighten your aesthetic is with some stylish branded club gear. These pieces are generally only available to club members, so the exclusivity alone will take your fashion to the next level. In addition, styles vary based on your club affiliations, ranging from an iconic monogrammed letterman jacket to “athleisurewear” windbreakers to a sleek classic tee with a logo. Some clubs even offer limited release accessories, like the much-coveted bucket hat. With club gear, you’ll turn heads and maybe even get some new members too.

Option 3: The Pajama Suit

Have you ever arrived late because you were literally stuck contemplating what to wear to impress everyone? What if you could simply leave the house without getting changed and look hot while doing so? With the pajama suit, now you can! Perfect for a morning after the much-dreaded all-nighter, pajama suits require no prep and function as the ultimate statement piece. The pajama is the much-needed juncture between utilitarianism and leisure. Time-saving and ridiculously comfy, the pajama will have you looking like the struggling yet strangely attractive artist your parents are afraid you’ll become. This jaw-dropping outfit accessorizes well with your childhood stuffed animal and the eye bags from last night’s cram session!

Option 4: The Raunchy Hoodie

If you have a teacher you absolutely despise, this is the most aesthetically pleasing way to wage psychological warfare in their class. Whether you choose your preferred spicy site or a hoodie plastered with the faces of anime girls experiencing… something like pure euphoria, this choice will definitely turn heads and raise questions. The true utility of this outfit is the dilemma it imposes on your teacher. Will they admit to being familiar with the subject matter you’ve adorned yourself with, risking their reputation and control of the class, or will they simply look upon you with disdain, forsaking their morals to preserve their pride? Either way, they lose as much as your grade point average. Your peers will be so impressed by your strong defiance and utter confidence that they will have no choice but to swoon when you turn their way. Date guaranteed!