Top Five Reasons to Join The Spectator

With Spectator Recruitments just around the corner, here are the top five reasons you should join The Spectator.

1. You will love spending an excessive amount of time blankly staring at your article, hoping that some text will magically appear. It cannot be guaranteed, however, that it will be something coherent. You might slip in a “screw you, editor” somewhere in the article.

More likely, though, you will type “uriehfliuwer” after you fall into a deep slumber. If you were writing for the Arts and Entertainment, Opinions, or Sports departments, “uriehfliuwer” would most likely be published.

2. You will enjoy seeing your article plastered all over the floor of the bridge. In an ultimate sign of veneration, students will trample over your article. “When I walk all over The Spectator, it becomes the ground I stand on,” senior August Hochman said.

3. You can write absolutely anything you want. Posting about the Greyducks in all four Dear Incoming Facebook groups? Why not also write three 1000-word articles? Want to curse teachers for assigning homework? (How could they?!) Feel free to write a news article on the true plight of being a Stuyvesant student. Back it up with statistics such as “99 percent of second-term seniors surveyed believe that teachers should let students cut class.”

4. You will drastically improve your speed-writing skills. When your editor interrogates you about the status of your article five-and-a-half days after the due date, you will develop a supernatural ability to fabricate a 2000-word article replete with seven interviews in under an hour. Your impressed editor will gladly oblige in rewriting half of the article.

5. You will not have to fret about finding journalistic sources for interviews. Certainly, quotes serve no real purpose; everyone’s intentions can be implied. Check out this example: “We serve as the absolute dictators of The Spectator,” dictators Anne George and Matteo Wong said in eerie unison. “We have free rein to censor anything.”