UNlikely Letters

With college acceptance season right around the corner, some students have begun to receive letters from colleges telling them that they’re definitely going to be accepted, also known as likely letters. At the same time, however, some students have started to receive a different type of college letter, called an unlikely letter. The Spectator has managed to acquire a few of said letters by screenshotting people’s finstas, and will now share them here.

“Dear Mr. Sal Tee,

While we here at Princeton University are usually honored by all the students who choose to apply to our school, your application was of such actively terrible writing quality that we feel slightly hurt that you thought you were good enough for us. Your essay, titled, “I traveled to a third world country and discovered what true poverty was like,” was the most awful thing this commision has read since the Senior SING! Spectator review.”

“Dear Ms. Holly Steec,

We at Stanford University are contacting you because after reading your essay every member of the admissions committee was in tears. Not because your story was touching, but because based on your command of the English language, the public education system must be dead.”

“To Mr. Reese Sinned,

At Columbia University we want a student body made up of well-rounded students. Unfortunately, it seems that your entire personality revolves around the track team, so we cannot accept you.”

“Dear Ms. Parentsdonatedalibrary Smith,

You seem like a perfect fit for Vassar College, but since we’re obligated to reject a few perfect fits to keep everyone else on edge, you got the ax. It be like that sometimes. Have fun pondering why you didn’t get in when you’re 37 and having a midlife crisis and then inevitably blaming it on affirmative action but in a lowkey way because you don’t want people to think you’re racist because you’re not you have that one black friend. Sincerely, Vassar.”