Wow, You HAVE to Visit These 10 Stuyvesant Monuments! [NOT CLICKBAIT]

The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World? The Empire State Building? THE INFAMOUS $1 NYC PIZZA SLICE (now $1.30 due to inflation)? Forget it. You’ll never see them the same way after visiting the beautiful monuments of Stuyvesant High School in Tribeca. Whether it be a structure, a wall, or a food item that has been on the ground for so long that it has fused with the floor, your jaw will drop to the floor with the force of a 8.6 magnitude earthquake. Let us walk you through the top 10 highlights!

10. Cafeteria vending machine

Some call it theft. Others call it gambling. We call it the riskiest experience since Vegas! Whether you’ll get your treat, your money spat back at you, or nothing at all is up to the stars. Nonetheless, it’s this close to putting Whole Foods out of business with its “healthy” snacks full of “nutrients.” It’ll also easily double as a reference mark to explain where your cafeteria table is in a sea of chairs, making it the ultimate marker of this floor!

9. Piece of gum from 1976

Whether it was initially charcoal black or just severely beaten up by the stomping of pubescent teens over the years, this once-sugary delight is now an esteemed member of the community. Its rock-hard existence compliments the platinum floors of the Stuyvesant building in a super aesthetic way. Desk gum may also have its charms, but it’s got nothing on the sticky sensation we’ve got by the scanners! We love using it for Insta photo backgrounds.

8. Half-Floor

From the astounding scenery of a street to the adrenaline rush of stampedes going up to 10th floor art from band, this is THE place to be. A sleeping freshman snores in the distance. The beautiful blue recycling bins, stunning, are to be disregarded in a ritual known as “a lack of self awareness and/or cleanliness.” Some have even compared it to the rush of Niagara Falls—the beat of the school itself (not to be confused with the PULSE of the student body, The Spectator). You’ll be sure to pass by it one day, so why not sit and NOT LITTER? A-MAH-ZING!

7. The Slightly Functional LED screen by the scanners

Now, this one’s controversial, and barely noticeable. I mean, who actually looks UP when walking into the building at 7:45 a.m.? But hear us out: sometimes, a lack of accuracy is a good thing! It encourages you to be on your toes. Is it an A day? B day? Who knows? That’s the fun of it. Bonus: it’s soooooo cute. And SHINY! Wakes you up every morning.

6. Revolutionary War button on escalator between the fourth and sixth floors

This button was found on Water Street, and was from the Revolutionary War! That’s all we know about it, because that’s all that the text on the glass says. It probably belonged to a soldier that fought in the Revolutionary War. This one’s a genuine marvel of history, even if Stuy kids are too busy SparkNote-ing their reading assignments due next period on the escalator to notice.

5. Sophomore Bar

This Stuyvesant staple has been through it all, from Super Smash Bros. tournaments to the numerous chalk murals to the overall negative effects of raging teenage hormones. There’s not a single place like the Sophomore Bar in the rest of Stuyvesant, or in any other Specialized High School! The once (probably) esteemed icon as a coming-of-age moment for freshmen is now a relegation for the icky prepubescent Cuddle Puddle, and the reason why our janitors should get a raise.

4. 11th Floor

This floor does exist! You’re just not looking hard enough. With its walls paved in GOLD and covered with your next Pre-Calc quiz answers, it is truly a wondrous place. It even has a pool! Many secrets are held on the 11th floor, such as how to have a consistent sleep schedule, how to get the schedule you want, and how to go outside and touch some grass. To get there, you have to ride the elevator and find the secret button.

3. Stuyvesant Basement

If you’re looking for a spooky adventure that’s #Instagrammable, shovel on down to the basement! Despite its apparent lack of existence to students, the school actually uses this mystical place to store gym supplies that haven’t been bitten into, locker locks that aren’t sticky, and all the pencils you’ve dropped and never found again. The dim, subtle lighting will give you the ANGSTIEST photos—#quirky—and if you’re lucky, you’ll find a bonus artifact: a vial of the first tears ever shed by an AP Calc student at Stuy! WOW!

2. Water bottle left in room 437

This water bottle was left behind by some poor freshman who fell asleep in Geometry. LOL! It’s a HydroFlask 20. Oz Wide Mouth water bottle in hot pink! There are also chipped paint and dents around the bottom of the bottle. Some say that the soul of a freshman that failed Geometry is trapped within the bottle, and that despite numerous attempts to put the bottle in the Lost and Found, it always shows up back in that classroom. But there’s only one way to find out whether or not the soul is truly trapped: opening it.

Hudson Staircase

And of course, we’ve saved the best for last. The Hudson Staircase. What seems like just a normal, decrepit-looking staircase purportedly has some mischievous activities going on. And who disagrees??? The MOST romantic place to take your cuffing season partner would be the Hudson Staircase, with its mood-setting lighting and banger secluded view. Careful though. Make sure you spend time with your spring fling before it thaws by October! And don’t traumatize any students. We are not responsible for any emotional harm, both relationship- and witness-related, caused by your staircase shenanigans.

And there you have it. The hottest, prettiest, most fab-u-lous places at Stuy. They’ll be sure to make your existential dread diminish for a few seconds of awe-inspiring monumental glory. Stay tuned for our next list: Top Five Steamy Stuy Spots [THE LAST ONE WILL SHOCK YOU]!