Yes to the Dress? No, THE SUIT IS MOOT!

The Senior Caucus has just released the long-awaited prom theme based on a beloved book about economic inequality, death, and affairs. How romantic. However, they are currently scratching their heads in thought upon realizing that the senior class of 2024 has done much less reading than they thought.

“I’m starting to think the student body just liked the color of the theme when voting,” explained one events committee member. “Meaning they literally… judged a book by its cover. Oh man, I couldn’t write a better satire than that.”

English AP Mr. Grossman was asked for an interview, but declined to comment. Our sources tell us he was found mumbling incoherently in his office. A dull gloom has fallen over the English department as all the teachers realize their lessons were for naught. The future is not going to be as bright as these dresses.

If there are dresses at all.

Upon investigation, it seems that some students are pulling a Met Gala 2023 and not following the prom theme whatsoever. For some, it is because they don’t understand how The Great Gatsby translates to clothing. One nerdy senior wrote to us, “It is so complex! How do I dress like Long Island inequality? Like white privilege? HOW DO I DRESS LIKE THE CRUMBLING STRUCTURE OF A WEALTH-HUNGRY AMERICA AT THE SACRIFICE OF THE AMERICAN DREAM?” Frankly, we don’t know either, and the dress inspirations provided by the caucus aren’t giving us any ideas.

For others, it is simply a matter of not getting it. One interviewee messaged our team on Discord upon our request for public opinion: “bruh idk what this gatsby dude is up to o whateva like go him but this lowk my excuse to show up in sweatpants. ttyl tho my discord kitten hopped on vc”.

We overheard another conversation in the senior bar.

“What’s a gatsby? Is that like, Alexa and Siri? But Gatsby?”

“Probably just some narcissistic man. Like, we GET it, you’re GREAT. Pulling a Great Britain on me…”

Yet the most jarring of reactions to the theme was the protest. “The Great Gatsby? So boring,” a senior declared. “I want to do the opposite. I am going to show up…. IN A CHICKEN SUIT!”

Yep. Chicken suit. Bak bak.

It doesn’t end there. Of those surveyed, a shocking majority are opting to show up in cat maid costumes, giant cardboard boxes, and in one interesting case, a green screen body suit. It’s chaos. While the typical prom-goer plans their makeup, hair, and dress, Stuyvesant seniors are going for travesty, shock value, and ridicule.

The Senior Caucus has not yet publicly acknowledged this trend, but the student body has spoken out. Some say it’s frankly stupid. Others say that it is a commentary on the inaccessibility of what is meant to be a memorable night for students. This rite of passage to adulthood from adolescence has become marred by intense fees, monetary barriers, and the show of wealth and glamor over genuine fun, often unintentionally barring kids who may not be able to afford all these luxuries and speaking to the very economic gaps that The Great Gatsby is a commentary on. But hey, who’s to say?

In any case, the wave of unconventional, theme-ignoring party-goers seems unstoppable. We even received a survey response from one of the most fabulous Stuyvesant dwellers of all time.

“Oh, prom?” Principal Yu said in an email. “I’m going FULL glam, baby!” 

When asked about the Great Gatsby theme, he responded once more: “What’s a gatsby?”

Oh dear. Perhaps it would have been better to let the juniors keep The Great Gatsby for their prom theme instead.